Fitzgerald Mofor’s campaign has walked more than 186 miles and knocked nearly 10,000 doors, making one man with sneakers look suspiciously more efficient than Maryland transportation bureaucracy. Continue reading Maryland Candidate Walks 186 Miles, Accidentally Becomes State’s Most Successful Transportation Project
Abdul El-Sayed wanted a heartfelt campaign moment. The internet saw a nervous supporter reading notes while politicians hovered nearby and immediately started making hostage-video jokes. Somewhere, a consultant is asking for one more take. Continue reading Abdul El-Sayed Launches Senate Campaign’s First Hostage-Video Aesthetic, Staffers Asked to Blink Twice
The DNC interviewed nearly 10,000 people who voted in 2020 but stayed home in 2024. Canton Cat interviewed 37 humans, four raccoons and one confused delivery driver behind a Wawa—and somehow got to “everything costs too much” much faster. Continue reading DNC Talks to 10,000 Nonvoters, Canton Cat Talks to 37 People Behind a Wawa and Finds Democrats Have Bigger Problems
Jamie Raskin survived a dangerous encounter with Iowa wind, a flapping television tent and several concerned staffers. The republic, somehow, remains intact. Continue reading Jamie Raskin Survives Wind Gust in Iowa, Vows to Defend Democracy Against Weather
Dan Cox says Maryland’s police accountability boards resemble Soviet-style citizen councils. The Canton Cat checks the meeting agenda for Lenin, revolution and refreshments. Continue reading Dan Cox Discovers Montgomery County Has Soviets, Immediately Checks Under the Bed for Lenin
Wes Moore is celebrating one debate with Dan Cox while other gubernatorial candidates remain offstage. The Canton Cat wonders whether courage comes with a two-podium limit. Continue reading Wes Moore Schedules One Debate, Declares Democracy Fully Serviced
Wes Moore says he wants to help elect more Black governors. The Canton Cat checks whether that enthusiasm survives contact with a Black Republican. Continue reading Wes Moore Vows to Elect More Black Governors, Immediately Adds Tiny Asterisk Next to Byron Donalds
John Fetterman humorously expressed his aspiration to become the Senator for Greenland, contingent on the U.S. purchasing the territory. His proposed campaign would focus on Arctic priorities like universal access to Carhartt and ice infrastructure. The remark sparked debate among lawmakers and critics, questioning the feasibility of such representation. Continue reading Fetterman Sets Sights North: Says He Hopes to Be “Senator of Greenland Someday”
Mr. Wiggles attended a protest in LA, misunderstanding a dark web ad that instructed him to “act like a riot.” Instead of inciting unrest, he diffused tension with humor and balloon animals, even feeding ICE agents and the National Guard. His actions sparked mixed reactions, prompting a discussion on protest dynamics. Continue reading BREAKING: Mr. Wiggles Shows Up to LA Protest Thinking He Was Hired to “Act Like a Riot,” Ends Up Feeding ICE and National Guard Instead
Mr. Wiggles, a disbarred courtroom jester, announced his candidacy for Montgomery County Executive in 2026, aiming for the GOP nomination. His platform includes banning boring bureaucrats and implementing innovative plans like balloon animal accessibility. Despite skepticism about his qualifications, he resonates with some voters, marking a unique political approach. Continue reading POLITICAL CIRCUS: Mr. Wiggles Declares Candidacy for Montgomery County Executive, Ties Balloon Elephant in Solidarity
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