Category: Politics

absurd politics, Arts & Entertainment, Culture & Absurdity, democrats, Dysfunctional Technology, Games, Maryland, Politics, State & Local

Evan Glass Asks Fortune Teller What His Political Future Holds, Machine Immediately Requests Another $20

Montgomery County Councilmember Evan Glass consulted a fortune-telling machine named Zoltar for political advice, humorously outsourcing his strategy. The machine’s responses ranged from cryptic predictions about future announcements to warnings about fiscal restraint. Political insiders found the consultation entertaining and refreshingly honest compared to traditional polling methods. Continue reading Evan Glass Asks Fortune Teller What His Political Future Holds, Machine Immediately Requests Another $20

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, business, Cultural Meltdowns, Culture & Absurdity, democrats, Government, Government Dysfunction, Government Waste, Overreach, Politics, Sports & Whatever, State & Local

Lt. Gov. Aruna Miller Attends Frederick Keys Playoff Game, Keys Immediately Eliminated

The Frederick Keys’ playoff run ended disastrously with a 7-5 loss to Greensboro after Maryland Lt. Gov. Aruna Miller attended Game 3. Fans suspected her presence led to the defeat, prompting calls for investigation into political interference. Officials denied any connection, yet the incident sparked humor and superstition among local supporters. Continue reading Lt. Gov. Aruna Miller Attends Frederick Keys Playoff Game, Keys Immediately Eliminated

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
2026 Midterms Guide, absurd politics, Campaigns, Democrazy, economy, Elections, Maryland, Politics, Rural Trash, State & Local

D9 Incumbents Unveil Bold New Campaign Strategy: Abandon Tent, Hope Nobody Notices

Maryland District 9 incumbents Chao Wu and Natalie Ziegler unveiled a poorly maintained campaign tent, sparking criticism from rival Fitzgerald Mofor. The tent’s disarray metaphorically reflects local governance failures, including neglected infrastructure and rising taxes. Mofor proposes improvements while the incumbents blamed maintenance issues, suggesting a new fee for repairs. Continue reading D9 Incumbents Unveil Bold New Campaign Strategy: Abandon Tent, Hope Nobody Notices

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, crime, Cultural Meltdowns, Culture & Absurdity, Government, Government Dysfunction, Government Waste, Maryland, Politics, State vs. Federal Politics, Urban Absurdity, Washington absurdity, Washington DC

Raskin, Van Hollen Turn Peeling Pool Liner Into Watergate: Aquatic Edition

Maryland lawmakers Jamie Raskin and Chris Van Hollen reacted dramatically after a contractor admitted to flaws in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool renovation. Raskin connected the mishap to broader political conspiracies, assembling investigative teams, while Van Hollen stressed accountability. Meanwhile, a contractor revealed the issue was simply a materials error, but everyone ignored him. Continue reading Raskin, Van Hollen Turn Peeling Pool Liner Into Watergate: Aquatic Edition

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Activism, Congress, Congress & Power, democrats, Democrazy, Extremist Behaviors, Government, Government Dysfunction, Government Waste, immigration, Law & Order, Maryland, Politics, public safety, social media, State & Local, Washington absurdity

Blueberry Fruit Roll-Up Rolls Down to the Canal to Film TikTok About Calling Congress Before ICE Calls You

April McClain Delaney rolls up to the canal in electric blue to film a “Know Your Rights” video, while the Canton Cat wonders whether Congress plans to fix immigration law before the next TikTok. Continue reading Blueberry Fruit Roll-Up Rolls Down to the Canal to Film TikTok About Calling Congress Before ICE Calls You

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
9/11, absurd politics, Community Guidelines, Cultural Meltdowns, Culture & Absurdity, Extremist Behaviors, Gangs & Cults, immigration, Internet Meltdowns, Nationality, Online Abuse, Politics, Protests, Psychos & Crazies, social media

9/12/2001 Remains Last Known Sighting of National Unity; Authorities Request Tips

Federal authorities have reopened a cold case regarding the disappearance of national unity in America, last seen on September 12, 2001. Investigators share sightings of unity were often disappointing and suggest the internet may be to blame. Citizens are encouraged to check for signs of unity, which remains elusive and possibly hiding under alternative names. Continue reading 9/12/2001 Remains Last Known Sighting of National Unity; Authorities Request Tips

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
2026 Midterms Guide, Campaigns, Democrazy, Elections, Maryland, Politics, State & Local, voter outreach

Fitzgerald Mofor, Built Like a God, Descends Upon God’s Country Seeking Mortal Votes

Fitzgerald Mofor, a candidate for District 9A, campaigned at the Damascus Fair, humorously branding the area as “God’s Country.” His platform focuses on lowering costs, enhancing public safety, improving infrastructure, supporting schools, and fostering small businesses. Mofor’s physical presence and rural appeal may resonate with local voters. Continue reading Fitzgerald Mofor, Built Like a God, Descends Upon God’s Country Seeking Mortal Votes

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
9/11, absurd politics, Culture & Absurdity, Extremist Behaviors, Global News, Government, International, National Security, Phobias, Politics

Terrorists Chanting “Death to America” Reportedly Concerned Americans May Be Developing Negative Impression of Them

Terrorists chanting “Death to America” are reportedly confused about why Americans remain suspicious, forcing the Canton Cat to explain one of history’s more obvious public-relations failures. Continue reading Terrorists Chanting “Death to America” Reportedly Concerned Americans May Be Developing Negative Impression of Them

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, crime, Criminal Court, Isms and Phobias, Judicial, Maryland, Massachusetts, Politics, Race Baiters, Westley Watende Omari Moore

Wes Moore Supports Lindsay Clancy Acquittal Until Learning Lone Holdout Juror Is Black Man, Immediately Requests More Context

Governor Wes Moore faced a significant public relations challenge after discovering the lone juror opposing Lindsay Clancy’s acquittal was Black. His team struggled to navigate the complexities of racial dynamics and public perception, leading to a mistrial. Ultimately, they issued an ambiguous statement emphasizing that all voices matter, reflecting a political balancing act. Continue reading Wes Moore Supports Lindsay Clancy Acquittal Until Learning Lone Holdout Juror Is Black Man, Immediately Requests More Context

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment
absurd politics, Arts & Entertainment, censorship, Donald Trump, Entertainment, Internet Meltdowns, Media Critique, Politics, State vs. Federal Politics

Jim Acosta Sees One Interview Move to YouTube, Declares America Has Entered the Final Stage of Authoritarianism

Former CNN correspondent Jim Acosta expressed alarm over a political interview moving from television to YouTube, likening it to authoritarianism. He warned this shift threatened free speech in America, though commentators noted the FCC’s regulatory authority varies across platforms. The interview remained accessible online, highlighting Acosta’s perceived hyperbole in response to programming disputes. Continue reading Jim Acosta Sees One Interview Move to YouTube, Declares America Has Entered the Final Stage of Authoritarianism

Unknown's avatarMichael PhillipsLeave a comment