Marc Elrich Celebrates 10 Years of Green Energy by Personally Demonstrating Renewable Natural Gas

Montgomery County Executive Marc Elrich celebrated the Green Bank’s 10th anniversary by emphasizing sustainability and clean energy through a humorous methane demonstration. The event highlighted the Green Bank’s $382 million in project financing and introduced a pilot program to convert speeches into electricity, while raising questions about emissions regulations and local taxation. Continue reading Marc Elrich Celebrates 10 Years of Green Energy by Personally Demonstrating Renewable Natural Gas

Nancy Mace Begs Men to Stop Sending Dick Pics, Congress Finally Finds Bipartisan Issue

Rep. Nancy Mace called for bipartisan support to stop men from both parties sending her explicit images, labeling the practice as “nasty” and “gross.” A historic joint resolution, dubbed the KEEP YOUR JUNK OUT OF THE CONGRESSWOMAN’S INBOX ACT OF 2026, passed quickly. Congress has united on this surprising issue despite broader political divides. Continue reading Nancy Mace Begs Men to Stop Sending Dick Pics, Congress Finally Finds Bipartisan Issue

Logan Airport Mistakes Elizabeth Warren for Elton John, Immediately Announces Surprise Farewell Tour

At a Massachusetts airport, confusion arose when staff mistook Senator Elizabeth Warren for Elton John. Despite Warren’s attempts to clarify her identity, passengers requested autographs and songs. The mix-up ended after officials recognized their error. Ultimately, Warren boarded her flight, while Elton John was humorously informed of the incident. Continue reading Logan Airport Mistakes Elizabeth Warren for Elton John, Immediately Announces Surprise Farewell Tour

Bernie Sanders Announces Latest Apocalypse After Previous Apocalypses Inconveniently Fail to Finish the Job

Senator Bernie Sanders recently highlighted the dangers of artificial intelligence, claiming it may pose greater threats to humanity than nuclear weapons. He has a history of issuing urgent warnings about existential risks. Sanders now advocates for a pause in advanced AI development and a ban on superintelligent systems, continuing his pattern of alarm over potential catastrophes. Continue reading Bernie Sanders Announces Latest Apocalypse After Previous Apocalypses Inconveniently Fail to Finish the Job

Founding Fathers Sign Four-Page Constitution, Horrify Future Government Employees

On September 17, 1787, delegates signed the U.S. Constitution, creating a federal government without modern consulting practices. The document divided power among three branches and prompted concerns about government overreach, leading to the Bill of Rights. Today, the vast bureaucracy contrasts sharply with the concise four-page framework established by the Founders. Continue reading Founding Fathers Sign Four-Page Constitution, Horrify Future Government Employees

Waldorf Woman Allegedly Pulls Gun Over Long Checkout Line, Maryland Retail Finally Unveils Express Lane for Felonies

A checkout dispute in Waldorf allegedly escalated from impatience to punches to a gun. The Canton Cat says Maryland retail has officially introduced the felony express lane. Continue reading Waldorf Woman Allegedly Pulls Gun Over Long Checkout Line, Maryland Retail Finally Unveils Express Lane for Felonies

Democrats Discover Hasan Piker’s Entire Personality Was Public, Immediately Begin Searching for Whoever Leaked the Internet

Democrats face challenges in attracting young male voters, particularly due to their association with influencer Hasan Piker, whose controversial comments have become liabilities. Piker has a massive following, but his statements draw criticism, complicating outreach efforts. The party is learning the importance of thorough vetting before linking with influencers. Continue reading Democrats Discover Hasan Piker’s Entire Personality Was Public, Immediately Begin Searching for Whoever Leaked the Internet

FBI Updates Hiring Standards, Nation Relieved to Learn ‘Did You Have Sex With an Animal?’ Now Requires Follow-Up Questions

FBI Director Kash Patel defended new hiring rules that no longer automatically disqualify individuals involved in bestiality, aiming to differentiate between coerced and voluntary acts. This change led to a surreal Senate hearing and raised concerns over the complexities in interviewing candidates. The FBI is working to clarify their application process. Continue reading FBI Updates Hiring Standards, Nation Relieved to Learn ‘Did You Have Sex With an Animal?’ Now Requires Follow-Up Questions

Maryland Democrats Celebrate “Packed” Salisbury Office Opening Entirely Outside Office

The Maryland Democratic Party celebrated the opening of its new Salisbury field office, showcasing supporters outside. Critics pointed out that the crowd gathered on the sidewalk rather than inside. The party aims to bolster local candidates ahead of November’s elections, humorously suggesting challenges in accessing the office space. Continue reading Maryland Democrats Celebrate “Packed” Salisbury Office Opening Entirely Outside Office

Wes Moore Charges $53 to Watch Him Agree With Andy Beshear About How Much They Agree

Maryland Gov. Wes Moore and Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear will discuss Beshear’s book at George Washington University on September 22, with tickets priced at $53. The event, expected to focus on healing political divides, may feature typical political discourse. Observations about tuition costs make the ticket seem like a bargain in comparison. Continue reading Wes Moore Charges $53 to Watch Him Agree With Andy Beshear About How Much They Agree