WASHINGTON — Rep. Nancy Mace has issued what may be the first genuinely bipartisan message to emerge from Capitol Hill in years:

Stop sending her penis pictures.

TMZ reported that Mace said men of both parties have sent her explicit images and that she finds the practice “nasty” and “gross.” She also said she has turned down prospective dates from across the political spectrum.

The Canton Cat reviewed the situation and immediately declared:

“At last. A border both parties agree should be secure.”

Republicans and Democrats reportedly put aside decades of ideological warfare to announce a historic joint resolution:

KEEP YOUR JUNK OUT OF THE CONGRESSWOMAN’S INBOX ACT OF 2026

The bill passed committee in nine seconds.

One staffer explained:

“Usually we argue over what constitutes infrastructure. This was easier.”

Capitol Police also unveiled a new digital-security alert system:

DEFCON 1 — FOREIGN CYBERATTACK

DEFCON 2 — RANSOMWARE

DEFCON 3 — UNKNOWN ATTACHMENT

DEFCON 4 — SOME DUDE NAMED BRAD SENT A MIRROR SELFIE

Mace’s inbox reportedly now contains several warning labels:

NO UNSOLICITED ATTACHMENTS

NO EXPLICIT MEDIA

NO ‘U UP?’ AFTER MIDNIGHT

YES, THIS APPLIES TO BOTH PARTIES

The Canton Cat was stunned that this needed clarification.

“Gentlemen, if your opening message requires a blur filter, you have already lost the election.”

Dating experts reportedly offered several alternative approaches:

Say hello.

Be normal.

Ask someone to dinner.

Maybe don’t introduce yourself like evidence in a congressional investigation.

One consultant added:

“Women generally prefer flowers to forensic material.”

Washington remains divided on taxes, immigration, spending, war powers, health care and approximately 4,700 other subjects.

But on this one issue, unity has finally arrived.

At press time, Congress was considering replacing the traditional aisle between Republicans and Democrats with a giant sign reading:

NO DICK PICS BEYOND THIS POINT.

The Canton Cat approved.

“Finally, some common-sense gun control.”