ROCKVILLE, Md. — Montgomery County Executive Marc Elrich reportedly marked the Montgomery County Green Bank’s 10th anniversary by delivering a speech on sustainability, resilience and clean energy while also unleashing what witnesses described as a continuous, burrito-powered methane demonstration from the podium.

The Green Bank really did celebrate its 10-year anniversary this week, touting a decade of clean-energy financing and more than $382 million in closed clean-energy project value.

The Canton Cat applauded Elrich’s commitment to hands-on education.

“Most politicians just talk about natural gas. This man brought samples.”

Guests reportedly realized something was wrong when the county executive paused mid-sentence, leaned slightly to one side and announced:

“That’s locally sourced.”

Staff immediately opened several windows in the name of climate adaptation.

According to imaginary event materials, Elrich’s lunch had included:

two bean burritos

extra guacamole

a side of queso

and one policy memo labeled ‘Net Zero by 2035.’

One imaginary Green Bank official praised the demonstration.

“This is exactly the kind of distributed energy generation we’ve been talking about.”

The celebration briefly turned tense when someone remembered Montgomery County has spent years finding new ways to regulate emissions.

County lawyers reportedly rushed toward the podium carrying calculators.

“Sir, under the indoor methane surcharge, you now owe $14.73.”

Elrich looked stunned.

“I thought this was renewable.”

“It is.”

“Then why am I being taxed?”

The room went silent.

The Canton Cat slowly raised one paw.

“Welcome to Montgomery County.”

Officials then unveiled a new pilot program converting future county executive speeches directly into electricity.

Engineers estimate one hour of remarks could power:

six Teslas,

three heat pumps,

and a small Takoma Park co-op for most of a Tuesday.

At press time, the Green Bank was considering financing a carbon-capture system for Elrich’s office chair.

The Canton Cat approved the project.

“Finally, a county investment with measurable output.”