Field of Screams Maryland Cancels 2026 After Discovering Montgomery County Already Provides Free Horror Experience

Field of Screams Maryland will remain closed for the 2026 season due to ongoing permitting issues and neighborhood concerns. This closure impacts 320 seasonal workers and has raised over $3.5 million for local sports. The county bureaucracy presents its own brand of horror, leading to a new attraction called FIELD OF FORMS. Continue reading Field of Screams Maryland Cancels 2026 After Discovering Montgomery County Already Provides Free Horror Experience

Maryland Introduces “Practicing White” License After Officials Discover Some Residents Apparently Let Their Certification Expire

Maryland officials recently uncovered a bizarre regulatory category called “non-practicing white,” which requires white residents to periodically renew their “whiteness certification.” This involves attending specific events and completing a refresher course. Confusion arose when residents questioned why such regulations apply to whiteness but not to other demographics, highlighting absurdities in societal expectations. Continue reading Maryland Introduces “Practicing White” License After Officials Discover Some Residents Apparently Let Their Certification Expire

WNBA Task Force Now Suspects “Woman” May Be a 700-Page PDF

The WNBA’s task force, aimed at defining “woman,” has expanded to 46 members with a chaotic process marked by humorous setbacks. Definitions have been minimal, leading to an interim framework and a potential league renaming, while financial requests and extended timelines escalate. Meetings have proven unproductive, highlighting absurdity. Continue reading WNBA Task Force Now Suspects “Woman” May Be a 700-Page PDF

Founding Fathers Sign Four-Page Constitution, Horrify Future Government Employees

On September 17, 1787, delegates signed the U.S. Constitution, creating a federal government without modern consulting practices. The document divided power among three branches and prompted concerns about government overreach, leading to the Bill of Rights. Today, the vast bureaucracy contrasts sharply with the concise four-page framework established by the Founders. Continue reading Founding Fathers Sign Four-Page Constitution, Horrify Future Government Employees

Rockville Installs Anti-Crime Sign, Criminal Activity Immediately Agrees To Leave

Montgomery County officials celebrate the installation of a “NO LOITERING, NO SMOKING” sign at the Rockville MARC station, claiming it addresses lawlessness. Despite this, witnesses report rule-breaking occurring openly. Officials continue exploring signage as enforcement strategies for various offenses, leading to skepticism about effectiveness amidst limited consequences. Continue reading Rockville Installs Anti-Crime Sign, Criminal Activity Immediately Agrees To Leave

Montgomery County Opens Another Government Liquor Store Because Apparently Even Getting Drunk Needs Bureaucracy

Montgomery County is opening a new government liquor store in Flower Hill on September 10, featuring tastings and special bourbon selections. Critics highlight the extensive county involvement in alcohol sales and regulation, comparing it to an overly bureaucratic system, while residents face challenges in other essential services. Continue reading Montgomery County Opens Another Government Liquor Store Because Apparently Even Getting Drunk Needs Bureaucracy

Maryland Commissions New Study to Determine Whether Last Study Was Ready to Be Studied

Maryland has once again proven its commitment to evidence-based inaction, as Governor Wes Moore announces a brand-new study to determine whether the last study was sufficiently prepared to be studied. Officials insist it’s not a delay—it’s “sequencing.” Continue reading Maryland Commissions New Study to Determine Whether Last Study Was Ready to Be Studied