NEW YORK — Five weeks into its effort to define “woman,” the WNBA has reportedly reached a major milestone:

The league has successfully defined “task force.”

“Woman” remains in beta.

The emergency committee has now expanded to 46 members, including attorneys, consultants, DEI officers, branding specialists, two philosophers, a yoga instructor, and one guy named Kevin whose job is to say “That’s a really important conversation” every seven minutes.

The first meeting lasted nine hours.

The second meeting was spent defining meeting.

By Week Three, officials had agreed that the word woman contains five letters, pending independent verification.

One member suggested opening a biology textbook.

Security was called.

Another suggested asking the players.

The room went silent.

A third proposed defining a woman as “someone eligible to play in the Women’s National Basketball Association.”

This was initially praised as a breakthrough until legal counsel realized they had accidentally created a circular reference and the entire league disappeared into a Microsoft Excel error.

The task force has since issued an interim framework:

Phase 1: Listen.

Phase 2: Learn.

Phase 3: Center lived experiences.

Phase 4: Commission research.

Phase 5: Hire consultants.

Phase 6: Forget what the original question was.

Phase 7: Announce progress.

WNBA officials are reportedly now considering renaming the league the National Basketball Association For Persons Whose Eligibility Status Is Subject to Ongoing Stakeholder Review, or NBAFPWEISSOSR.

Merchandise sales are expected to be difficult.

Meanwhile, a separate subcommittee has been formed to determine whether saying “women’s basketball” before the task force finishes its work could prejudice the outcome.

That subcommittee has already requested $4.8 million and six more months.

The Canton Cat attempted to help by dropping a dictionary on the conference table.

A consultant immediately covered it with a cloth.

“Please,” she whispered.

“We’re trying to do science here.”

I then asked what the W in WNBA stands for.

The meeting adjourned.

Emergency session Monday.