WASHINGTON — MS NOW, CNN and Politico entered an unprecedented constitutional emergency Saturday after White House security informed their reporters that they could no longer enter the grounds, forcing America’s bravest democracy defenders to practice journalism from the horrifying wilderness known as outside. The White House carried out President Donald Trump’s announced ban on the three outlets; the organizations condemned the move and said they would keep covering the administration.

MS NOW’s Carol Leonnig responded:

“Ain’t no stopping us reporters.”

Correct.

There is literally a sidewalk.

Within minutes, MS NOW activated its emergency continuity-of-government newsroom beneath a patio umbrella across Pennsylvania Avenue.

A folding table was deployed.

Three ring lights were erected.

A correspondent put on a flak jacket.

Someone shouted, “WE ARE LOSING THE REPUBLIC,” because the Wi-Fi briefly dropped to three bars.

CNN reportedly established Camp Democracy, a fortified press position containing twelve cameras, seven constitutional scholars, and a vending machine that charges $8 for Diet Coke.

Politico chose a leaner operation consisting of two reporters, six burner phones and an anonymous White House aide already texting them everything anyway.

The logistical crisis deepened when journalists realized Trump had not banned:

Phones.

Email.

Television.

The internet.

Sources.

Zoom.

Freedom of speech.

Writing articles.

Standing near a building.

Looking at a building.

Thinking about a building.

Or asking the guy leaving the building what happened inside.

“This changes everything,” said one reporter while continuing to do exactly the same job.

MS NOW issued a statement invoking the First Amendment and the essential role of independent journalism. CNN called the action illegal, while Politico also backed its correspondents. Legal challenges are widely expected, especially given prior court fights over White House press access.

Meanwhile, producers began developing increasingly urgent graphics:

BREAKING: JOURNALIST EXPERIENCES OUTDOORS

DEMOCRACY AT THE CURB

THE SIDEWALK CRISIS: HOUR 6

EXCLUSIVE: WHITE HOUSE STILL VISIBLE FROM STREET

By noon, Wolf Blitzer had reportedly been thawed from emergency storage.

Rachel Maddow was issued night-vision goggles.

And seventeen reporters surrounded a shrub after hearing it might have attended a Cabinet meeting.

The White House press corps has now requested humanitarian aid, including extension cords, Starbucks, sunscreen, and permission to use the restroom somewhere with marble.

The Canton Cat attempted to investigate personally.

Security looked at my press credentials, which consisted of a grease-stained napkin reading “CANTON CAT — VERY IMPORTANT MEDIA”, and waved me straight through.

Apparently nobody questions a stray cat carrying a recorder and smelling faintly of dumpster tuna.

I am now seated inside the briefing room.

CNN is outside.

MS NOW is outside.

Politico is outside.

I have consumed half the press secretary’s sandwich.

Democracy survives.

More importantly:

The cat has a seat.