Wes Moore found time to referee a Florida Twitter fight involving Laura Loomer and Angie Nixon. Maryland residents, meanwhile, are still holding for utility relief, better roads, lower costs and occasional gubernatorial attention. Continue reading Wes Moore Takes Break From Governing Maryland to Moderate Florida Twitter Fight
Abdul El-Sayed wanted a heartfelt campaign moment. The internet saw a nervous supporter reading notes while politicians hovered nearby and immediately started making hostage-video jokes. Somewhere, a consultant is asking for one more take. Continue reading Abdul El-Sayed Launches Senate Campaign’s First Hostage-Video Aesthetic, Staffers Asked to Blink Twice
The DNC interviewed nearly 10,000 people who voted in 2020 but stayed home in 2024. Canton Cat interviewed 37 humans, four raccoons and one confused delivery driver behind a Wawa—and somehow got to “everything costs too much” much faster. Continue reading DNC Talks to 10,000 Nonvoters, Canton Cat Talks to 37 People Behind a Wawa and Finds Democrats Have Bigger Problems
Wes Moore says he wants to help elect more Black governors. The Canton Cat checks whether that enthusiasm survives contact with a Black Republican. Continue reading Wes Moore Vows to Elect More Black Governors, Immediately Adds Tiny Asterisk Next to Byron Donalds
D.C. Councilmember Janeese Lewis George says statehood is a racial justice issue. The Canton Cat checks the history, the politics, and the dumpster behind the Capitol. Continue reading D.C. Councilmember Discovers 1791 Was Apparently About Her
Maryland Governor Wes Moore claimed his election victory in 2022 was solely due to racism among voters, sparking disbelief among analysts. His satirical remarks have drawn both support and confusion, as critics question the validity of such a claim. Ultimately, his statement reflects the evolving and often absurd nature of political discourse. Continue reading “It Was Racist That I Won”: Governor Moore’s New Explanation for Election Victory Shocks Political Analysts
President Trump announced a name change for Washington, D.C. to Trump–Washington, citing a rapid evacuation by liberals after a building rebrand. Moving trucks flooded outbound roads as residents hurriedly relocated. The administration is considering further renaming efforts, delighting Trump, while urban planners and environmentalists remain astonished by the situation. Continue reading Trump-Washington, D.C.: President Discovers the Fastest Way to Drain the Swamp Is Just to Name It After Himself
In a dazzling feat of medical and political innovation, Democrats have unveiled their latest passion project: citizenship-affirming care. Why bother with borders or boring paperwork when you can just inject a little U.S.A. directly into the bloodstream? While Republicans are still trying to figure out whether this is an SNL sketch or actual legislation, progressives insist this is a breakthrough in “identity-based immigration.” After all, if you feel American, why shouldn’t a government-funded operation make it official — preferably before the next election. Continue reading Citizenship-Affirming Care? Democrats Now Pushing “Legalization Surgery” for Illegal Immigrants
The Canton Cat 