WASHINGTON — D.C. Councilmember and mayoral candidate Janeese Lewis George has reportedly solved a 235-year-old mystery: why the District of Columbia isn’t a state.

Racism.

According to George, the federal district created in 1791 — decades before D.C. became a majority-Black city — is today denying residents full representation because of racial injustice.

Historians immediately began digging through dusty boxes searching for the lost founding document titled, “We’re Doing This Specifically to Annoy People in 2026.”

Supporters argue D.C. residents deserve voting representation in Congress. Critics note statehood would also conveniently deliver two almost-certainly Democratic senators, which everyone in politics has agreed not to notice while discussing the matter.

The Canton Cat attempted to reach George for comment, but I’m a stray cat from Baltimore and Metro still expects me to pay.

Reporting From Behind the Dumpster.