Berney Flowers is bringing Barry White energy to Maryland politics with a fictional campaign album packed with slow jams, soulful promises, and enough bass to make undecided voters clutch their ballots. Continue reading Berney Flowers Announces Soul Album to Seduce Maryland Voters One Ballad at a Time
Maryland Governor Wes Moore launched a provocative policy platform focused solely on promoting his image. Under the IDGAF Agenda, decisions will prioritize what benefits Moore personally. He emphasized transparency, stating residents will support him visually during press conferences. This unusual approach stirred reactions, with merchandise already being sold to commemorate it. Continue reading Wes Moore Announces Bold New Governing Philosophy: “I Don’t Give a Fuck About Any of You”
Congressional Democrats proposed an unconventional Supreme Court reform, expanding it from nine to 64 justices, structured like a tournament. The plan aims to resolve major cases through a competitive bracket system, sparking criticism of court packing from Republicans. Advocates suggest it enhances judicial legitimacy through an unpredictable format. Continue reading Democrats Propose Expanding Supreme Court to 64 Justices So Constitutional Law Can Finally Be Decided March Madness-Style
Cheryl Riley supports Harford County Sheriff Jeffrey Gahler and other Maryland sheriffs in opposing sanctuary policies, arguing they prioritize ideology over public safety. She criticizes Congressman Jamie Raskin for his lengthy, evasive responses to crucial issues. Riley believes voters should replace Raskin with someone more focused on pragmatic solutions. Continue reading Cheryl Riley Backs Maryland Sheriffs; Jamie Raskin Reportedly Begins 47-Minute Lecture Explaining Why Arresting Criminals Is Actually Complicated
Jamie Raskin survived a dangerous encounter with Iowa wind, a flapping television tent and several concerned staffers. The republic, somehow, remains intact. Continue reading Jamie Raskin Survives Wind Gust in Iowa, Vows to Defend Democracy Against Weather
Baltimore residents asked for a revitalized Inner Harbor. The city delivered kayaks. The Canton Cat investigates whether Phase Two includes protected kayak lanes, floating bollards and boaters losing their minds. Continue reading Baltimore Asked for an Inner Harbor Comeback. The City Handed Everyone a Kayak.
Dawn Luedtke invited residents to a community meeting, handed them microphones, and discovered the dangerous side effect of public engagement: the public engaging. Continue reading Dawn Luedtke Holds Listening Session, Appears Stunned by the Discovery of Listening
Montgomery County is disbanding its dedicated DUI enforcement unit because of staffing shortages, while insisting impaired-driving enforcement will continue. The Canton Cat has questions. Lots of them. Continue reading Montgomery County Solves Police Staffing Shortage by Eliminating the Unit That Catches Drunk Drivers
A raccoon in Annapolis has tested positive for rabies, causing concern among residents. The aggressive behavior reported coincided with Hakeem Jeffries’ visit to discuss controversial redistricting plans that could diminish Republican representation. Experts highlight the parallels between rabies and gerrymandering, urging vigilance against aggressive animals and political strategies alike. Continue reading Rabid in Annapolis? Health Officials Confirm Raccoon Case as Hakeem Jeffries Visits to Push Redistricting
Maryland and Virginia officials insist their newly redrawn congressional maps are perfectly legal—despite evidence they were impulse-bought on DealDash at 3:17 a.m. during a bidding war labeled “BUY IT NOW: DEMOCRACY.” Continue reading DealDash Democracy: Maryland and Virginia Accidentally Buy Their New Congressional Maps at 3:17 a.m.
