WASHINGTON — Questions are mounting after Sen. Mitch McConnell reportedly spent roughly three months away from the Senate while recovering from health issues, prompting lawmakers to begin the delicate constitutional process known as:

“Has anyone actually seen Mitch?”

McConnell’s office says he has been recovering, doing physical therapy, and remaining engaged remotely.

Which is Washington-speak for:

“He’s technically still in the group chat.”

The Canton Cat reviewed the situation and immediately became suspicious.

“Three months? I disappear behind a dumpster for six hours, and somebody assumes I’m dead.”

Senate staffers reportedly searched his office, committee rooms, cloakrooms, and one especially promising leather chair before concluding he was not on Capitol Hill.

At one point, aides were allegedly reduced to shaking a bag of Werther’s Originals near the Senate chamber.

No response.

The prolonged absence has revived questions about transparency, fitness to serve, and whether Congress should establish some kind of minimum requirement that elected officials occasionally appear at the place where they were elected to work.

Radical concept.

Critics noted that McConnell has continued drawing his salary while absent.

The Canton Cat was stunned.

“Wait. You can stop showing up, and they keep paying you? Humans invented government jobs and didn’t tell me?”

Lawmakers are now considering several reforms:

MANDATORY WELLNESS CHECK AFTER 30 DAYS

PROOF-OF-LIFE SELFIE EVERY TWO WEEKS

ONE SENATOR, ONE PULSE, PREFERABLY VISIBLE

NO VOTING BY OUIJA BOARD

McConnell allies insist he remains fully engaged in Senate business remotely.

Which raises an obvious question:

If senators can do the job from home for three months, why are taxpayers maintaining a building with 540 rooms?

The Canton Cat suggested converting half of it into low-cost housing and the other half into an enormous heated litter box.

Finally, some bipartisan infrastructure.

At press time, McConnell’s office continued assuring everyone he was recovering, while Washington journalists prepared another hard-hitting investigation into who Donald Trump insulted on Truth Social that morning.