MTA Worker Finds Mitch McConnell in Subway Closet, Senate Immediately Requests His Return to Washington

An MTA worker discovered Senator Mitch McConnell inside a utility closet in a Manhattan subway, prompting immediate action from Senate leadership to return him to the Capitol. Initially believed to have survived on minimal resources, McConnell was prepped for committee votes and quickly reintegrated, with staff downplaying the situation’s peculiarity. Continue reading MTA Worker Finds Mitch McConnell in Subway Closet, Senate Immediately Requests His Return to Washington

Senate Celebrates National Decline With Capitol Hill Dog Birthday Party While Voter ID Sits in the Yard

The U.S. Senate hosted a lavish birthday party for a dog, highlighting Congress’s tendency to prioritize entertainment over crucial issues like voter ID. Attendees celebrated the pet with cake and photos, while important legislative matters were ignored. This event raised questions about accountability and priorities in Washington, evident as the public grows frustrated. Continue reading Senate Celebrates National Decline With Capitol Hill Dog Birthday Party While Voter ID Sits in the Yard

Normal Maryland Man Encounters Venomous Snake, Somehow Just Takes Picture and Moves On With His Life

In Maryland, a man encountered a timber rattlesnake near Sugarloaf Mountain and calmly warned others, showcasing unusual emotional stability. Unlike typical reactions demanding regulation, he simply noted the snake’s presence. Local officials expressed confusion at his rational behavior, while experts advised keeping distance, highlighting the snake’s role in the ecosystem. Continue reading Normal Maryland Man Encounters Venomous Snake, Somehow Just Takes Picture and Moves On With His Life

Founding Fathers Sign Four-Page Constitution, Horrify Future Government Employees

On September 17, 1787, delegates signed the U.S. Constitution, creating a federal government without modern consulting practices. The document divided power among three branches and prompted concerns about government overreach, leading to the Bill of Rights. Today, the vast bureaucracy contrasts sharply with the concise four-page framework established by the Founders. Continue reading Founding Fathers Sign Four-Page Constitution, Horrify Future Government Employees

Woman Breaks Into Reflecting Pool, Says It Was an Accident After Apparently Losing Fight With a Fence

A woman entered the Reflecting Pool through a broken fence, got stuck, and claimed it was an accident. This incident humorously inspired the “Whoopsie Defense,” highlighting the absurdity of crossing barriers. Authorities are set to address the fence issue through bureaucratic processes, while the woman and the pool remain unharmed. Continue reading Woman Breaks Into Reflecting Pool, Says It Was an Accident After Apparently Losing Fight With a Fence

🐞 DOMESTIC SURVEILLANCE: THE FLIES HAVE EYES 🐞

A former dishwasher believes flies are part of a deep state surveillance operation, experiencing paranoia as they multiply and refuse to leave him alone. He suspects their capabilities extend beyond mere pestering and writes to officials for help. Ultimately, he warns about their presence and the threat they represent to personal freedom. Continue reading 🐞 DOMESTIC SURVEILLANCE: THE FLIES HAVE EYES 🐞