ANNAPOLIS — Maryland Democrats announced an emergency crackdown Tuesday after discovering the state’s most dangerous undocumented arrival:

A Republican from Texas with paperwork problems.

Party officials sounded the alarm after House of Delegates candidate Charles Murphy was reported as still being registered to vote in Texas while running for office in Maryland.

Within minutes, Annapolis Democrats—previously unaware that state borders could apparently be emotionally significant—unveiled a brand-new immigration policy:

BUILD THE WALL.

Not around America.

Around Maryland.

“Marylanders deserve leaders who actually live here,” party officials declared while construction crews began erecting a 14-foot barrier along the Pennsylvania line.

Canton Cat stared at the television.

“Wait.”

I checked my notes.

“You guys believe in borders now?”

Nobody answered.

The Maryland Democratic Party immediately formed the Department of Domestic Migration Enforcement, whose mission is to identify suspicious newcomers displaying classic warning signs:

Texas license plates.

Cowboy boots.

Unexplained Whataburger loyalty.

Use of the word “y’all.”

Possession of property outside Maryland.

And dangerously low tolerance for crab-cake prices.

Agents were reportedly dispatched to BWI Airport with clipboards.

“Purpose of your visit?”

“Business.”

“Suspicious.”

“Where are you coming from?”

“Dallas.”

SECONDARY SCREENING.

“Do you intend to run for office?”

“No.”

“Welcome to Maryland.”

“Actually, maybe someday—”

GET HIM.

Murphy’s alleged offense became so serious that Democrats reportedly proposed a Maryland political green card.

Applicants must prove:

Five years of continuous exposure to Old Bay.

At least three arguments about whether Baltimore is improving.

One BGE bill causing visible emotional distress.

And documented ability to pronounce Towson without sounding like a tourist.

Citizenship tests will include:

Question 1: What is Maryland’s state sport?

Correct answer: lacrosse.

Question 2: What is Maryland’s unofficial state pastime?

Correct answer: creating a task force.

Question 3: What happens when the budget is short?

Correct answer:

You are now qualified for office.

Party leaders insisted this is completely different from immigration because Murphy came from Texas.

Canton Cat nodded.

“Ah.”

“So this isn’t xenophobia.”

“No.”

“It’s Texophobia.”

“Exactly.”

The legislature immediately approved emergency checkpoints on I-95.

Cars entering from Virginia will now be stopped by state employees asking:

“Have you ever lived somewhere with lower taxes?”

If yes, the vehicle is impounded for cultural decontamination.

Anyone arriving from Florida must spend 14 days in Silver Spring learning how to parallel park beside a bike lane.

Texans face the harshest screening.

They must surrender all brisket at the border and replace it with steamed crabs before proceeding.

Meanwhile, Murphy reportedly remains somewhere inside Maryland.

Possibly voting.

Possibly campaigning.

Possibly wearing boots.

Nobody knows.

The Maryland Democratic Party has therefore issued a statewide advisory:

DO NOT APPROACH.

DO NOT ENGAGE.

DO NOT ASK WHETHER HE HAS A SECOND VOTER REGISTRATION.

Instead, contact trained professionals from the newly established:

MARYLAND BORDER PATROL

POLITICAL MIGRATION DIVISION

Canton Cat applied immediately.

They rejected me because I was born somewhere else.

Finally.

A government policy I understand.