ANNAPOLIS — With just 55 days until Election Day, Gov. Wes Moore has reportedly ordered every printer in Maryland government to run nonstop until voters forget there used to be a bridge in Baltimore.

The strategy comes as Moore’s office has unleashed a blizzard of announcements, ribbon cuttings, executive orders, recycled programs, projected savings and economic victories — including one company headquarters move that was already underway years before the governor celebrated it. MDBayNews counted 10 releases in just eight days. (Maryland Bay News)

Political scientists have identified the strategy as Operation LOOK OVER HERE, JACKASS.

“Governor Moore remains laser-focused on delivering results,” said an administration spokesperson while firing another press release out of a T-shirt cannon.

NEW JOBS!

NEW WAGE ORDER!

NEW EXECUTIVE ORDER!

NEW SMALL-BUSINESS TOOL!

LOOK! A RIBBON!

“Fantastic,” replied Baltimore.

“Where’s the Key Bridge?”

The spokesperson immediately threw glitter.

Moore aides reportedly maintain a giant countdown clock inside Government House:

55 DAYS UNTIL VOTERS CAN NO LONGER PUNISH US FOR THIS

Every morning, staff gather around it and brainstorm things the governor can announce before somebody accidentally Googles “Key Bridge rebuild.”

Ideas currently under consideration include declaring Maryland the nation’s leader in left-handed crab picking, announcing 600 projected jobs that may exist sometime during the second Wes Moore administration, and holding a ribbon cutting for a ribbon-cutting facility.

The governor’s communications team has become especially skilled at converting normal government activity into historic achievements.

State employee answers phone?

MOORE ADMINISTRATION DELIVERS TRANSFORMATIONAL CUSTOMER-SERVICE INVESTMENT

Pothole filled?

GOVERNOR MOORE ADVANCES BOLD INFRASTRUCTURE AGENDA

Wes finds quarter under couch?

MARYLAND ECONOMY ADDS 25 CENTS UNDER MOORE LEADERSHIP

Reporter asks about Key Bridge?

GOVERNOR ANNOUNCES MARYLAND RECOVERY-FRIENDLY PAPERCLIP INITIATIVE

Sources say the only phrase forbidden inside the administration is:

“So, about that bridge…”

Anyone saying it is immediately escorted to a podium and forced to announce another small-business dashboard.

The Canton Cat has learned Moore’s reelection campaign believes the plan can work as long as the governor maintains a pace of approximately six accomplishments per actual accomplishment through November.

At press time, Moore was preparing another major announcement after successfully locating Baltimore on a map.

The press release was 11 pages long.

The bridge was still missing.