NASHVILLE — Country music legend Lee Greenwood has reportedly knocked Ella Langley off the Billboard charts after accepting the most secure job in American entertainment: following Donald Trump everywhere and singing “God Bless the U.S.A.” until the sun burns out.

Music industry experts said Greenwood’s sudden resurgence came after Americans realized there is apparently no Trump event too large, too small, or too completely unrelated to music for Greenwood to materialize from behind a curtain.

Trump rally?

Lee Greenwood.

Inauguration?

Lee Greenwood.

Dinner?

Lee Greenwood.

Trump goes downstairs at 2 a.m. because he heard something in the kitchen?

AND I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN—

“Jesus Christ, Lee, I was getting a Diet Coke.”

Greenwood’s historic chart climb reportedly stunned Ella Langley, who foolishly believed recording new music was still necessary to compete in the industry.

“Apparently I’ve been doing this all wrong,” Langley allegedly told friends. “I wrote songs, toured, recorded albums. Lee found one song in 1984 and has been riding that horse like it owes him money.”

Trump officials denied Greenwood has technically been “hired,” explaining that nobody is entirely sure where he comes from.

“He just appears,” said one aide. “The president walks onto a stage, somebody says ‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ and suddenly Lee Greenwood is standing there like the patriotic version of Beetlejuice.”

Secret Service agents have reportedly stopped screening him.

“There’s no point,” one agent explained. “We checked a broom closet yesterday, and he was already inside warming up.”

Billboard analysts believe Greenwood could remain atop the charts indefinitely because every Trump appearance now counts as approximately seventeen additional performances of the song.

Spotify is reportedly considering a new warning:

YOU HAVE HEARD “GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.” 4,612 TIMES THIS WEEK. WOULD YOU LIKE HELP?

Greenwood, now 83, dismissed suggestions that he retire.

“Retire?” he reportedly asked as Trump entered another ballroom.

Then his eyes began glowing.

A bald eagle screamed somewhere in the distance.

The opening synth started playing.

Ella Langley sighed and dropped to No. 2.

At press time, Trump had arrived at a McDonald’s drive-thru, where Greenwood was already standing beside the menu board.

“IF TOMORROW ALL THE THINGS WERE GONE—”

“Lee. For the love of God. I’m ordering fries.”