ANNAPOLIS — Maryland Gov. Wes Moore has apparently solved the ancient political problem of inconvenient context by announcing he simply does not care about it.

After posting a clipped CNN video of President Donald Trump discussing the scale of the U.S.-Iran conflict, Moore added:

“I don’t care what he calls it.”

And there it is.

The official motto of modern political discourse.

Not:

“Here is the full quote.”

Not:

“Here is what he meant.”

Not even:

“I watched the whole thing.”

Just:

“I don’t care.”

Finally, honesty from Annapolis.

Governor Replaces Fact-Checking With Emotional Support Editing

According to sources, Moore’s communications office now operates under a revolutionary new standard:

If the full clip weakens the outrage, shorten the clip.

If the surrounding sentence changes the meaning, delete the surrounding sentence.

If someone points this out, accuse them of missing the point.

And if all else fails, stare into a camera with the facial expression of a man who just discovered Whole Foods is out of oat milk.

Sources say aides were initially concerned about accuracy.

They have since been reassigned.

‘Small Potatoes’ Apparently Means Whatever Wes Needs It To Mean

Trump’s comment was about the scale of the conflict.

Moore’s post helped create the impression Trump was casually dismissing dead American service members.

Those are not the same thing.

But apparently semantic accuracy is now a luxury item in Maryland, right next to affordable housing and electricity.

One aide reportedly tried explaining this distinction to the governor using crayons.

The crayons were confiscated as misinformation.

Maryland Launches New Department Of Selective Listening

Moore is reportedly considering a new cabinet agency:

The Department of Things I Heard Half Of.

Its mission will include:

• stopping videos before context arrives
• reading only headlines containing the word “Trump”
• treating punctuation as partisan interference
• and issuing emergency statements before anyone has time to ask what actually happened

The department’s slogan:

“Why understand it when you can be furious immediately?”

Funding is expected to be unlimited.

Unlike the roads.

‘I Don’t Care’ Doctrine Expands Statewide

Political observers say Moore’s new philosophy could revolutionize Maryland government.

Someone calls it a tax increase?

I don’t care what they call it.

Someone calls it overspending?

I don’t care what they call it.

Someone calls the state unaffordable?

I don’t care what they call it.

Someone explains that the viral clip you just rage-posted does not mean what your post implies?

HOW DARE YOU DEFEND FASCISM.

Very efficient system.

No thinking required.

Experts Confirm Governor Now Fighting Entire Sentences One Fragment At A Time

Linguists say most English sentences contain several words arranged together to communicate a complete thought.

This discovery has reportedly devastated Annapolis.

Moore’s staff is now exploring whether individual words can be taxed before they assemble into context.

Preliminary proposals include a surcharge on verbs and a 3% levy on adjectives.

Pronouns remain exempt pending polling.

Canton Cat Responds

Listen, I’m a stray cat.

I’ve eaten chicken wings from a gutter behind a liquor store.

My standards for public discourse are not exactly Oxford Union material.

But even I understand that when somebody says:

“Here’s the context.”

and your response is:

“I don’t care.”

you probably shouldn’t be the guy lecturing everyone else about truth.

That isn’t moral clarity.

That’s a tantrum with a blue checkmark.

Wes Moore didn’t debunk Trump.

He apparently just put his paws over his ears and screamed until the longer video went away.

Which, coincidentally, is also Maryland’s current strategy for the budget.

MEOW.