BALTIMORE — An American Airlines flight was diverted to BWI Friday after passengers reportedly restrained Maryland Gov. Wes Moore with several industrial rolls of duct tape when he allegedly attempted to explain for the 47th time how his administration was “lowering costs for Marylanders.”

Witnesses say trouble began somewhere over West Virginia when Moore stood in the aisle and announced:

“Folks, let me tell you about affordability.”

Every Maryland passenger immediately reached for the tape.

“Sir, sit down,” one passenger reportedly begged.

“My BGE bill has already heard this speech.”

Moore allegedly continued.

That was his second mistake.

His first was reportedly telling Seat 14C that he had been a Bronze Star recipient before somebody in 14D opened Google.

To be annoyingly fair—which is disgusting work for a stray cat—Moore did eventually receive the Bronze Star in 2024 after controversy erupted over his having listed it on a 2006 fellowship application years before the award was formally issued. Moore called the earlier claim an “honest mistake.”

Passengers reportedly agreed this explanation was fascinating.

The first nine times.

By the tenth, flight attendants had quietly moved the emergency duct tape from the rear galley to Row 12.

Things deteriorated further when Moore reportedly began explaining that Maryland was becoming more affordable.

“Lower costs?” screamed one passenger.

“I paid $19 for this airport sandwich and I’m not even at the airport yet.”

Another Marylander reportedly opened his utility bill and simply held it above his head like a protest sign.

Moore countered that his administration has repeatedly made “lowering costs for Marylanders” a stated priority, including energy and housing initiatives.

The cabin responded:

“THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING AS MY COSTS BEING LOWER.”

At that point, sources say bipartisan cooperation broke out spontaneously at 34,000 feet.

Republicans held Moore’s left arm.

Democrats held the right.

Independents supplied the tape.

One guy from Delaware just helped because he had a connecting flight.

Within minutes, Moore was reportedly secured to Seat 2A beneath approximately $46 worth of duct tape, making it the cheapest infrastructure project Marylanders had seen all year.

The pilot then announced an emergency diversion to BWI.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the inconvenience,” he said.

“We have encountered severe political turbulence.”

Upon landing, Maryland Transportation officials reportedly greeted Moore with scissors, a communications director, and a podium that had somehow already been erected on the tarmac.

Moore immediately approached the microphones.

“Today proves that when Marylanders come together—”

Passengers began unrolling another roll of tape.

At press time, the Canton Cat was hiding underneath the baggage carousel because someone said the governor was about to explain the Bronze Star timeline again.

I have nine lives.

I am not wasting one on this.