WASHINGTON — Democrats and AI doomers are reportedly warning that artificial intelligence could wipe out humanity within a decade, sending Americans scrambling to locate the expiration dates on the last several end-of-the-world predictions.

The Canton Cat checked the schedule.

Global warming kills us.
Climate tipping point kills us.
COVID kills us.
Democracy dies.
AI kills us.

Busy decade.

President Donald Trump dismissed the latest AI doomsday warnings as another hoax, arguing that America should build, innovate, and avoid regulating itself into a coma while China races ahead.

Naturally, this caused Washington to react like someone had unplugged the anxiety machine.

Sen. Chuck Schumer and other lawmakers are pushing for briefings and tighter scrutiny over catastrophic AI risks, including the possibility that advanced systems could eventually threaten humanity.

The Canton Cat remains skeptical.

“Humans have been predicting their own extinction since before you invented canned tuna. Yet somehow I still have to listen to Congress.”

Experts warning about AI say the risks are real and deserve serious study.

Which is fair.

But Washington has now trained the public so thoroughly with nonstop existential language that if an actual asteroid were headed toward Earth, half the country would ask:

“Is this the same asteroid from 2019?”

Democrats reportedly unveiled a new emergency timeline:

2027: AI becomes dangerous
2029: AI becomes uncontrollable
2033: civilization collapses
2034: fundraising email asks for $15 to stop it

The Canton Cat was especially impressed by the precision.

“Nothing says science like predicting the apocalypse right after the next election cycle.”

Trump supporters, meanwhile, argued that AI could become the biggest economic engine in history and that slowing development would simply hand the advantage to China.

Critics responded that uncontrolled AI may become too powerful.

The Canton Cat offered a compromise:

“Build the robots. Just don’t teach them cable news.”

At press time, humanity had once again been given roughly ten years to live, extending its remarkable 100% survival rate against previous deadlines.