PYONGYANG — North Korea announced that its latest live-fire drill demonstrated “huge destructive power,” because apparently the international community had spent the morning wondering whether all those rockets were decorative.

State media proudly showcased the barrage like a toddler holding up a crayon drawing of a tank.

The Canton Cat reviewed the footage and issued a measured response:

“Yes, Kim. Rockets go boom. We’re all very proud.”

North Korean officials described the exercise in suitably dramatic terms, because authoritarian governments are legally prohibited from ever saying:

“It went fine.”

Instead, every weapons test must sound like the trailer for the final boss battle in a video game.

UNMATCHED FORCE.

OVERWHELMING POWER.

ANNIHILATING STRIKE.

PLEASE NOTICE US.

Military analysts noted that the drills were likely intended to send a message to South Korea, the United States, and basically anyone within Wi-Fi range.

The message appears to be:

“We still have missiles.”

Thanks for the update.

The Canton Cat, who has knocked more things off shelves than North Korea has successfully intimidated democracies, remained unimpressed.

“Huge destructive power? I saw a raccoon get into a seafood dumpster last night. Now that was devastation.”

Pyongyang is reportedly preparing another announcement confirming that its tanks are heavy, its soldiers are serious, and fire remains hot.

At press time, North Korean state television was expected to release a 14-minute documentary explaining that explosions are, in fact, loud.