ROCKVILLE — Panic reportedly swept through Montgomery County government this week after Republicans invited investigative YouTuber Nick Shirley to visit, raising fears that someone might arrive with the county’s most dangerous piece of equipment:

A camera.

Cheryl Riley suggested Shirley take a look at Montgomery County, pointing to its sprawling nonprofit ecosystem and the long list of problems local officials insist are both extremely complicated and somehow nobody’s responsibility.

Within minutes, conservative activists were openly speculating that MoCo could be Shirley’s personal Disneyland.

County officials allegedly responded by checking whether the Maryland General Assembly could reconvene long enough to pass emergency legislation titled:

THE STOP ASKING QUESTIONS ACT OF 2026.

Unfortunately, Annapolis is out of session.

Sources say this leaves local government almost completely defenseless against such extremist tactics as:

Walking into buildings.

Reading public records.

Asking where the money went.

And saying, “Wait, what?”

One county bureaucrat was reportedly hospitalized after learning Shirley sometimes asks a follow-up question.

“This is not how government accountability works,” the official whispered. “Normally residents speak for three minutes at a hearing, and then we thank them for their comments.”

The Canton Cat reviewed Montgomery County’s emergency response plan:

Reporter asks polite question: Issue statement.

Reporter asks second question: Call it misinformation.

Reporter brings receipts: Question his motives.

Reporter keeps filming: Democracy is under attack.

Nick Shirley arrives: EVACUATE ROCKVILLE.

Local NGOs were reportedly advised to prepare by removing any signs containing the words “community initiative,” “equity partnership,” or “$4.7 million grant.”

Meanwhile, lawmakers desperately searched the county code for an obscure provision allowing officials to padlock a YouTube channel.

They found nothing.

At press time, Montgomery County had announced a blue-ribbon task force to investigate why outsiders keep noticing things residents have been complaining about for years.

The Canton Cat volunteered to chair it.

Payment accepted in tuna.