ANNAPOLIS — Congresswoman Sarah Elfreth celebrated her 38th birthday Wednesday by apparently completing her transformation into Lord Dark Helmet Elfreth, Supreme Commander of Maryland’s 3rd Congressional District and regional distributor of prewritten talking points.

Witnesses say Elfreth stood before the Capitol, adjusted her enormous helmet, and announced that MD-3 would soon be brought under her complete control.

“Prepare the district,” she reportedly commanded. “And somebody find me a birthday cake that tests well with suburban women.”

Political observers initially assumed resistance was futile.

Then came Lando Flowers.

Republican candidate Berney Flowers reportedly emerged from a cloud of campaign smoke dressed as Maryland’s answer to Lando Calrissian, cape flowing dramatically as every lawyer within 50 miles tried to determine whether Star Wars and Spaceballs can legally occupy the same universe.

“Sarah, this deal is getting worse all the time,” Flowers allegedly said, presumably moments before discovering Annapolis had altered it further.

Dark Helmet Elfreth responded by activating the Democratic Party’s most terrifying weapon:

The Schwartz of Incumbency.

Analysts say the weapon draws power from fundraising emails, congressional stationery, carefully staged district events and approximately 900 press releases beginning with the phrase “I’m proud to announce.”

Flowers, however, remained defiant.

“You may control the congressional office,” Lando Flowers said, “but you’ll never control the Maryland voter who has already received six texts asking for $7.”

Elfreth reportedly ordered aides to put the entire district into Ludicrous Campaign Speed, causing consultants to immediately begin producing attack ads about statements Flowers made before lunch.

The Canton Cat has reviewed the situation and determined MD-3 now faces the strangest crossover event in political history:

Spaceballs vs. Star Wars, except everyone has yard signs and nobody can find parking in Annapolis.

Sources say Flowers’ only hope is assembling a rebel alliance of Republicans, independents, exhausted taxpayers, and voters who would simply like Congress to stop emailing them.

At press time, Lord Dark Helmet Elfreth was seen standing before a giant map of MD-3 demanding:

“Who controls this district?”

An aide nervously replied:

“Technically, the voters.”

Elfreth stared at him.

The aide was immediately reassigned to Alderaan.