ATLANTA — Flock Safety announced Thursday that its controversial camera systems will soon include a new feature designed to deter people from blocking, damaging, or tearing them down:

The cameras are now extremely pissed off.

The company unveiled what it described as an “active anti-tampering deterrence platform,” which critics immediately translated as:

“The pole has had enough.”

Flock founder and CEO Garrett Langley reportedly introduced the upgrade with a statement bearing absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to Liam Neeson in Taken, except for the part where it resembled Liam Neeson in Taken almost word for word.

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want,” Langley reportedly began.

“If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I won’t give you any money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills.”

At that point, company attorneys reportedly began sprinting toward the stage.

“Skills I have acquired over several iterations and software updates,” Langley continued while security tried unsuccessfully to unplug the microphone.

“Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.”

Flock then displayed its newest prototype, the Flock FAFO-9000, which company literature describes as:

“License plate recognition with boundaries.”

According to fictional product specifications, the new system can detect:

• spray paint,
• ladders,
• suspicious hoodies,
• people approaching with garbage bags,
• and anyone staring at the camera for longer than 4.7 seconds while whispering, “I hate that thing.”

The camera then automatically announces:

“PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM GOVERNMENT-ADJACENT INFRASTRUCTURE.”

If the individual continues approaching, the camera escalates to:

“BRO, SERIOUSLY.”

Flock says the final warning is:

“YOU HAVE CHOSEN THE PREMIUM RESPONSE PACKAGE.”

Civil-liberties groups immediately expressed concern.

“First they photographed everyone,” said one fictional privacy advocate. “Now apparently the camera wants to fight us.”

Police departments, meanwhile, were reportedly enthusiastic.

“This is fantastic,” said one officer. “Eventually the cameras can patrol themselves and we can finally concentrate on paperwork.”

Flock also unveiled several planned accessories, including:

Flock Bark Mode — camera growls when approached.

Flock Mom Mode — “I saw what you did and I’m very disappointed.”

Flock Neeson Mode — camera calmly explains that your afternoon is about to become extremely complicated.

And the premium Flock Terminator Package, which simply displays:

“YOUR LICENSE PLATE HAS BEEN REMEMBERED.”

Langley concluded his presentation by staring directly into the camera and reportedly saying:

“If you let my cameras go now, that’ll be the end of it.”

Company lawyers finally reached the podium.

Unfortunately, the podium had already identified their license plates.