ROCKVILLE, Md. — Montgomery County Police Chief Marc Yamada resigned Friday after investigators uncovered an innovative management strategy known as:

“If you don’t write down that you were gone, technically you were never gone.”

County Executive Marc Elrich said he requested Yamada’s resignation after the Office of the Inspector General substantiated misconduct involving leave, attendance and the accuracy of statements made during the investigation. Yamada’s resignation took effect Sept. 18, with Assistant Chief Darren Francke named acting chief.

The Canton Cat has obtained a copy of Montgomery County’s apparent executive attendance policy:

Monday: Work.

Tuesday: Work.

Wednesday: Golf.

Thursday: Who’s asking?

Friday: Las Vegas, apparently.

Timecard: 40 hours.

The OIG found that between July 2024 and July 2026, the executive generally recorded no leave despite periods when he was unavailable during regular work hours. Investigators identified at least five days totaling 40 hours when no leave was taken and no schedule adjustment was recorded.

Forty hours.

That’s not a clerical error.

That’s a full-time job at not being at your full-time job.

Investigators also looked at a police foundation golf tournament attended during working hours. The executive acknowledged consuming about two alcoholic beverages and did not record leave for the day, according to the report.

Montgomery County immediately announced a new executive timekeeping option:

PAR-TO-PTO

Employees may now substitute one birdie, two beers and an unread Outlook calendar for eight hours of annual leave.

Unfortunately, the program is only available to people whose office has its own parking space.

Then came the conference.

Investigators found that a County-employed relative accompanied the executive to an out-of-state work conference. The executive initially said he had not participated in selecting the relative, but investigators concluded that statement was false and that he had selected the relative himself.

Which has inspired Montgomery County’s newest hiring initiative:

BRING YOUR RELATIVE TO VEGAS WEEK

Benefits include:

Networking.

Professional development.

Complimentary airfare.

And absolutely no awkward questions until the Inspector General starts digging through emails.

The Canton Cat asked county officials how the selection process worked.

Officials allegedly replied:

“We conducted a nationwide search of everyone with the same last name.”

Investigators also found that the executive directed that a County vehicle be provided to an employee in the Office of the County Attorney without proper limits on its use. The vehicle was later used for commuting, personal business and transporting non-County passengers without required approval.

So Montgomery County has apparently been operating its own car-rental company.

Except Enterprise usually asks for a credit card.

Montgomery County just asks:

“Do you know somebody?”

The Canton Cat has reviewed the new fleet policy:

Government business: Approved.

Commute: Sure.

Personal errands: Why not.

Drive your cousin around: Live your truth.

Taxpayer asks questions: SECURITY.

The OIG also cited inconsistent supervisory review of police timecards and confusion among managers about when leave had to be used.

Excellent.

Nothing inspires confidence in law enforcement like discovering the department responsible for documenting crimes had apparently reached the philosophical conclusion that time itself is subjective.

Einstein had relativity.

Montgomery County has:

EXECUTIVE STANDARD TIME

Eight hours at work equals eight hours.

Six hours at work equals eight hours.

Golf equals eight hours.

Vegas depends on receipts.

And if anyone asks where you were:

Please direct all questions to Human Resources after retirement.

Elrich said trust and integrity are fundamental to public service and that leadership must be held to the highest standards.

The county then reportedly placed those standards in a secure glass case so nobody could accidentally use them.

The OIG recommended considering recovery of the equivalent of 40 hours of pay, clarifying leave requirements, strengthening timecard review and reviewing vehicle assignments. The matter was also shared with the County Ethics Commission.

Montgomery County officials have promised reforms.

A task force will study the recommendations.

A working group will study the task force.

A consultant will study the working group.

And sometime around 2031, taxpayers will receive a 287-page report titled:

“Attendance: Should Employees Be There?”

Meanwhile, Yamada leaves after nearly four decades with the department.

The Canton Cat respects longevity.

Forty years is a long time.

Apparently so is 40 hours when nobody enters it on a timesheet.