ANNAPOLIS — State Sen. C. Anthony Muse’s Land Rover is reportedly under consideration for a senior position in Maryland government after demonstrating the most important qualification for Annapolis service:

Being present during something confusing and leaving with absolutely nobody sure what happened.

The controversy stems from an Aug. 3 police encounter after Muse struck the mirror of a parked vehicle, later left his SUV partly on a sidewalk and against a tree, and initially told officers, “My driver actually parked here.” Surveillance video obtained by Spotlight on Maryland reportedly showed Muse maneuvering the vehicle himself, and Muse later acknowledged he had been driving when the mirror was struck.

The mystery driver has not been located.

Authorities have reportedly narrowed the search to:

Bigfoot.

The Loch Ness Monster.

DB Cooper.

And whoever keeps approving Maryland procurement contracts.

The Land Rover itself has now retained counsel and issued a statement:

“At no point did I consent to becoming the most credible witness in Annapolis.”

The vehicle was reportedly partly on a sidewalk and against a tree during the encounter. A parking-enforcement employee expressed concern about Muse driving and later told dispatch they had taken his keys. A caller associated with the damaged vehicle told 911 they were “pretty sure he is intoxicated.” Muse told officers he had consumed one drink; police discussed field sobriety testing, but records show it was not administered.

The Canton Cat attempted to diagram the sequence.

We ran out of yarn.

At one point police apparently had three options:

1. Tow the SUV.

2. Give Muse a ride.

3. Conduct sobriety testing and determine whether he could drive.

Instead, Maryland selected the secret fourth option:

FIND ANOTHER GUY AND LET EVERYBODY GO HOME

Muse ultimately left in his Land Rover with someone else driving.

Transportation officials are reportedly considering adding this procedure to the driver’s manual:

If your vehicle encounters both a parked car and a tree in the same evening, simply summon a replacement adult.

During the encounter, Muse also told an officer:

“I’m a former judge.”

His official legislative biography does not list service as a judge, and Spotlight reported that he has not explained the remark.

The Canton Cat immediately launched an investigation into Muse’s possible judicial career.

So far we have identified several plausible courts:

The Superior Court of Parallel Parking.

The Maryland Court of Appeals to Authority.

The Circuit Court for Land Rover Excuses.

America’s Next Top Former Judge.

Then things became even more Annapolis.

A Maryland State Police trooper who also serves as the Senate’s sergeant-at-arms arrived during the encounter. Senate President Bill Ferguson’s office said legislative security had been asked to check on Muse’s welfare and would do so for any member.

Upon seeing the trooper, Muse reportedly said:

“I guess I’m a little bit more important than I thought.”

That sentence has now been engraved over the entrance to the Maryland State House.

Tour guides will explain:

“On your left is where George Washington resigned his military commission.

On your right is where Maryland lawmakers discovered the Platinum Plus roadside-assistance package.”

AAA has already announced a competing membership tier:

AAA SENATORIAL

Includes:

Free towing.

Free battery jump.

Free alternate driver.

One complimentary state trooper.

And three uses per year of ‘Do You Know Who I Am?’

Annapolis Acting Police Chief Amy Miguez said that if there had been a violation of law to enforce, officers would have pursued it.

So apparently the city has established a groundbreaking new evidentiary doctrine:

If nobody completes the test, the test cannot ruin anybody’s evening.

Legal scholars immediately described it as:

Schrödinger’s Sobriety Test.

Until administered, the driver is simultaneously fine and not fine.

Muse later returned to the pulpit and preached:

“No matter what hell you’re in, just put one foot in front of the other and keep on walking.”

Solid advice.

Particularly if parking enforcement has your keys.

Meanwhile, Muse’s Land Rover has reportedly changed its registration.

It is no longer classified as an SUV.

It is now officially:

A MARYLAND LEGISLATIVE ESCAPE POD

Standard equipment includes leather seats, four-wheel drive, emergency mystery chauffeur, ceremonial sergeant-at-arms beacon and a glove compartment containing the phrase:

“Actually, my driver parked it.”

The Canton Cat asked Annapolis officials whether ordinary Marylanders receive the same package.

They laughed so hard somebody hit another tree.