HURLOCK, Md. — A Hurlock resident reportedly learned Saturday that pulling mystery weeds with bare hands is one of those hobbies where the plant sometimes gets a vote.

Emergency crews were dispatched to Commerce Street after a person developed burning in his hands and mouth while yanking weeds and apparently deciding one of them looked edible enough to investigate orally.

The suspected culprit: pokeweed.

Because apparently “weed” was not enough of a warning and nature had to add “poke.”

Witnesses say the man had been pulling vegetation when he grabbed what he believed was pokeweed, after which his hands and mouth began burning.

At some point, this turned a routine afternoon of yard work into the Eastern Shore edition of “Can I Eat That?”

The answer was no.

Very no.

The Canton Cat, who has eaten unidentified objects behind seafood restaurants with considerably better judgment, issued the following statement:

“If a plant makes your hands burn, maybe don’t introduce it to your mouth.”

Botanists have long maintained a complicated scientific classification system for dangerous plants, including Latin names, toxicity profiles and detailed field guides.

Maryland men continue using the competing system:

“Looks fine.”

Local hardware stores are now reportedly considering adding a new warning label to gardening gloves:

FOR HANDS.
ALSO PREVENTS YOU FROM LICKING THE YARD.

Neighbors said the incident was an important reminder that the Eastern Shore contains many beautiful examples of native vegetation, wildlife, and ecosystems that should be admired from a respectful distance.

Especially when the vegetation appears to be fighting back.

At press time, the pokeweed was recovering comfortably and had reportedly returned to work.