CAMBRIDGE, Md. — A Cambridge man was reportedly arrested for burglarizing a vacant home, released, and then returned to the same damn house just hours later, proving once again that Maryland’s criminal justice system occasionally doubles as a customer loyalty program.
Police say the man had already been accused of breaking into the Meadow Avenue property earlier that night.
Then he came back.
Not next week.
Not after things cooled down.
Hours later.
Same house. Same alleged crime. Same brain apparently still buffering.
Most criminals at least attempt the advanced tactical maneuver known as “leaving.”
This guy treated his first arrest like halftime.
“Good hustle, everybody. I’m going back in.”
The Canton Cat has reviewed the available facts and believes the suspect may be the first burglar in Maryland history to accidentally establish regular business hours.
OPEN LATE
BURGLARIES 8 PM–MIDNIGHT
RE-ARRESTS UNTIL CLOSE
Police reportedly recognized the situation immediately, because apparently there are limits to how much disguise can be achieved by simply showing up again.
Detectives are now studying the man’s sophisticated operational strategy:
- Break into house.
- Get arrested.
- Get released.
- Return to house.
- Act surprised when police somehow connect steps one through four.
Even raccoons learn when a trash-can lid is electrified.
This man allegedly got arrested and thought:
“Run it back.”
The vacant property may now be eligible to claim him as a dependent.
Officials are also considering renaming the residence The Cambridge Institute for Criminal Recidivism, since one evening apparently provided the entire curriculum.
The Canton Cat, who has been chased away from the same dumpster multiple times, would like to emphasize an important distinction:
I wait until the humans go back inside.
That’s called tradecraft.
At press time, officers were reportedly watching the property closely in case the man returns a third time and unlocks the felony hat trick.
The Canton Cat 