UNITED STATES — After briefly remembering that life is fragile, strangers matter, and national unity once existed, Americans have officially concluded the annual September 11 remembrance period and returned to being absolute garbage to one another.

The transition began shortly after midnight.

Flags were folded.

Memorial posts stopped.

The words “Never Forget” quietly returned to storage next to Christmas decorations and basic human empathy.

By breakfast, the country had successfully resumed screaming at strangers online over politics, race, pronouns, parking spaces, tipping, football, school boards, gas stoves, and whether someone used the correct lane at Costco.

“It was a beautiful day of reflection,” said one American who had posted a photo of the Twin Towers with the caption WE WERE ALL AMERICANS THAT DAY before calling another American a fascist six hours later.

Across social media, users solemnly remembered the nearly 3,000 lives lost before immediately returning to fantasies about ruining the lives of people who vote differently.

Historians confirmed this is now an annual tradition.

Every September 11, Americans spend one day remembering a moment when firefighters ran into burning buildings for strangers, passengers sacrificed themselves for people they’d never meet, and ordinary citizens lined up to donate blood.

Then September 12 arrives.

“Anyway, I hope my neighbor gets deported because his yard sign annoys me.”

Political leaders also marked the transition by replacing carefully written messages about unity with their usual fundraising emails explaining that half the country is personally responsible for civilization collapsing.

Cable news networks resumed normal programming under the banners:

AMERICA IN CRISIS

DEMOCRACY ON THE BRINK

YOUR NEIGHBOR SECRETLY HATES YOU

COMING UP: WHY YOU SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF DINNER

Experts say the nation’s brief annual encounter with perspective remains medically harmless because it rarely lasts longer than 24 hours.

“We came dangerously close to remembering we actually live together,” one sociologist warned. “Fortunately, someone posted something stupid on X.”

The Canton Cat attempted to interview several humans about the sudden return to hostility but abandoned the effort after watching two grown adults threaten each other over a four-way stop.

Honestly, I’ve eaten tuna out of a drainage ditch with more dignity.

At press time, millions of Americans were already preparing for next September 11, when they will once again post:

“Never Forget.”

Before immediately forgetting the point.