ROCKVILLE — Montgomery County Public Schools warned that aging HVAC systems may struggle during the upcoming heat, raising concerns that some classrooms could become hotter than a cat sleeping on a Comcast router.

County Executive candidate Esther Wells immediately pounced.

Her opponent, Councilmember Will Jawando, currently chairs the County Council’s Education and Culture Committee, making this the rare campaign attack where the target actually appears somewhere on the org chart.

Wells blamed Jawando for failing to adequately address school HVAC problems and suggested raiding money from Vision Zero to fix them.

Which has introduced Montgomery County to a revolutionary new concept:

Vision 72 Degrees.

Under the proposal, county government would temporarily suspend its long-running effort to produce inspirational program names and instead attempt something dangerous:

making the air conditioner work.

County officials were reportedly stunned.

“Wait,” said one imaginary bureaucrat. “You mean the vision has an actual measurable outcome?”

Jawando’s defenders correctly note that saying he has done “NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING” is campaign-grade exaggeration. The County Council has, in fact, approved billions in school spending.

Unfortunately, taxpayers have now discovered the advanced mathematics of Montgomery County government:

Billions spent + unanimous votes + aging HVAC = bring a water bottle, kids.

MCPS officials stressed that the heat warning does not necessarily mean widespread closures.

That’s reassuring.

The new county motto can therefore remain:

Montgomery County: We Can’t Promise Air Conditioning, But Have You Seen Our Strategic Plan?

Reporting from behind the dumpster, where the HVAC is broken too, but at least nobody paid consultants to call it equity-centered climate resilience.