ELLICOTT CITY — Maryland House candidate Fitzgerald Mofor announced that his campaign has now knocked nearly 10,000 doors, taken more than 425,000 steps, and walked over 186 miles.

Annapolis immediately asked if he could take over the Purple Line.

Mofor said he personally hit 367 doors in one day, covering nearly 12 miles, which means he has now traveled farther on foot than some Maryland commuters move during an average rush hour.

Campaign aides say the effort is part of a plan to “Restore Maryland.”

State officials were reportedly confused.

“Restore it?” asked one bureaucrat. “We thought the plan was to study restoring it, create a task force, hire consultants, and then raise a fee.”

Transportation officials were especially impressed that Mofor managed to cover 186 miles without a toll increase, environmental review, or six-year construction delay.

The campaign has also distributed thousands of signs and flyers, proving that one man with sneakers may currently have a more functional statewide logistics network than several government agencies.

At press time, Mofor was still walking.

The Canton Cat offered him a ride.

He declined after seeing our vehicle was a stolen shopping cart with one bad wheel.

This is satire. Reporting from behind the dumpster, where our step count only rises when somebody opens a tuna can.