ANNAPOLIS — Maryland Gov. Wes Moore has once again demonstrated that no ribbon, royal procession, heritage festival, international summit or ceremonial photo opportunity is safe from his calendar.

This weekend’s episode comes courtesy of Akwasidae, a sacred Akan festival in Kumasi honoring ancestors, the king and the Golden Stool of the Ashanti people.

Moore posted that he was “overjoyed” to celebrate with His Majesty Otumfuo Osei Tutu II, the 16th king of the Asante kingdom, as African Heritage Month began.

Fine. Cultural events are cultural events.

But judging by the pictures, Maryland’s governor has now entered that dangerous political phase where every overseas ceremonial appearance starts to look less like governing and more like Wes Moore: The International Experience.

At this point, the man is one drumbeat away from announcing:

“Everything the light touches is our tax base.”

From Annapolis to Pride Rock

Moore walked alongside royalty beneath ceremonial umbrellas in a scene that looked less like a gubernatorial schedule and more like somebody had given Annapolis a Disney+ subscription.

The Canton Cat spent several minutes studying the photos before reaching an unavoidable conclusion:

This is either Wakanda, The Lion King, or a very expensive Maryland tourism commercial with no Maryland in it.

We are still awaiting clarification from the governor’s office.

No word yet on whether Moore raised Simba over his head and promised to lower utility rates.

Probably because even Disney has limits on fantasy.

Marylanders Would Also Like a Ceremony

Back home, residents continue participating in their own traditional Maryland rituals.

Every month, families gather around a sacred object known as the electric bill.

They honor their ancestors by remembering when groceries were cheaper.

They perform the ancient dance known as:

“How the hell is my car insurance this much?”

And on the sixth Sunday of every legislative session, taxpayers bow before the Golden Stool of Annapolis and whisper:

“Please stop spending money.”

It is a rich culture.

Perhaps the governor can attend sometime.

King of Maryland Has Left the Kingdom

There is nothing inherently wrong with a governor participating in cultural diplomacy.

Governors travel.

They promote their states.

They meet leaders.

They attend ceremonial events.

But Wes Moore’s political brand increasingly seems built around the belief that the governorship is a cross between TED Talk host, royal ambassador and motivational speaker with state police protection.

Marylanders elected a chief executive.

Sometimes it feels like they got a man permanently auditioning for the opening montage of his presidential documentary.

Every photo says:

Historic.

Meaningful.

Global.

Inspirational.

Very nice.

Now fix Route 50.

Apparently Every Month Is Wes Moore Heritage Month

Moore declared he was helping begin African Heritage Month.

Again, lovely.

But Maryland residents may be forgiven for wondering whether there is eventually going to be a month devoted to:

Lower Bills Heritage Month

Fix the Roads Month

Stop Raising Taxes Week

or perhaps the elusive:

Stay in Annapolis and Govern Day.

The latter remains unscheduled.

Sources say there were conflicts with a gala.

The Ceremonial Governor Problem

The images are undeniably striking.

Traditional clothing.

Royal regalia.

Processions.

Umbrellas.

Music.

History.

Culture.

Wes Moore standing in the middle of it all looking like he just unlocked a new expansion pack.

And that is precisely the problem with the Moore political aesthetic.

He never seems to encounter a stage he does not immediately look comfortable standing on.

Normal politicians attend events.

Wes Moore somehow makes every event look like the coronation scene in a prestige drama about Wes Moore.

You half expect the caption:

“Season 3: The Governor Goes Global.”

Maryland Is Still Here, By the Way

While Moore celebrates abroad, Maryland continues wrestling with the boring things governments are actually judged on.

Cost of living.

Electricity.

Taxes.

Transportation.

Crime.

Housing.

Schools.

Budget pressures.

None of these issues come with ceremonial umbrellas.

Nobody plays drums when you balance a budget.

There is rarely a king present when you reduce regulatory costs.

No photographer dramatically captures a governor reading a procurement spreadsheet.

Perhaps this explains the lack of enthusiasm.

Governing is tragically bad content.

The Canton Cat Supports Cultural Exchange

We support learning about different cultures.

We support diplomacy.

We support heritage celebrations.

We especially support ceremonies involving elaborate clothing because cats have understood for thousands of years that humans will do almost anything if you put them in a fancy hat.

But Maryland already possesses an abundance of culture.

The state also possesses an abundance of bills.

And unlike ceremonial festivals, those arrive every month.

Promptly.

No royal invitation required.

Coming Soon: Governor Moore’s Next Adventure

Based on current trajectory, The Canton Cat expects the governor’s schedule to include:

Monday: Royal procession.

Tuesday: International climate summit.

Wednesday: Heritage gala.

Thursday: Television interview about leadership.

Friday: Fireside chat on courageous governance.

Saturday: Ceremony honoring courageous fireside chats.

Sunday: Briefly remembers Maryland exists.

Then back to the airport.

Maryland Didn’t Elect a Ceremonial Ambassador

Celebrate African heritage.

Honor the tradition.

Meet the king.

Take the photos.

Shake the hands.

All perfectly legitimate.

But eventually Maryland residents would like their governor to appear in a picture standing next to something less glamorous.

Maybe a utility bill.

Maybe a taxpayer.

Maybe a pothole.

Maybe the state budget.

Because Wes Moore can attend every royal procession between Baltimore and Wakanda, but Marylanders still have to open their BGE bills when they get home.

And unfortunately, there is no ceremonial umbrella large enough to hide those.

Hakuna Matata, Maryland.

It means your problems can apparently wait.

Reporting From Behind the Dumpster. 🐈