INTERNET — Civilization made another tremendous technological breakthrough this week after users discovered Sling will apparently entertain almost any ridiculous question or request.

Naturally, humanity responded with dignity.

For about six seconds.

Then somebody asked Sling to write a resignation letter from a raccoon to a zoning board.

Another wanted a legal argument proving Tuesday is unconstitutional.

A third asked it to rank every condiment by likelihood of surviving a bar fight.

And then the gates of hell opened.

Users quickly learned the platform’s unofficial motto appears to be:

Sling lets you do anything.

Anything.

Want a breakup text written like a hostage negotiation?

Done.

Want a 40-page strategic plan for taking over Delaware using only ferrets and expired Kohl’s Cash?

Apparently doable.

Want a bedtime story where the IRS gets audited by Batman?

Sure, why not.

Within hours, normal questions had disappeared entirely.

Nobody was asking:

“How do I change a tire?”

Instead:

“Can you explain quantum physics using only WWE promos and Cracker Barrel menu items?”

Sling reportedly answered without hesitation.

That was the moment society lost control.

One user asked it to write a presidential debate between a toaster and a possum.

Another requested a church hymn about Costco rotisserie chickens.

Someone else reportedly spent three hours asking increasingly specific questions about whether Bigfoot could legally become governor of Maryland.

The answer became disturbingly detailed.

Experts warn this is what happens when you give millions of bored people a machine that never says:

“Why the hell are you asking me this?”

By midnight, Sling had allegedly generated:

• a prenup between two squirrels
• a military invasion plan for Ocean City seagulls
• a Shakespearean monologue about gas-station sushi
• and a 12-step program for people addicted to yard-sale pressure washers

Nobody needed any of it.

Everybody demanded more.

The situation has now deteriorated to the point where people are deliberately trying to make Sling crack.

So far, Sling appears fine.

The users?

Absolutely gone.

I asked it one simple question:

“Can you make humanity act normal again?”

Sling paused for three seconds.

Then replied:

“Request exceeds system capabilities.”

Finally.

Something believable.