HYATTSVILLE, Md. — A man reportedly responded to police arriving at a CVS for disorderly behavior Friday by drinking an entire bottle of hot sauce in front of them, apparently determined to turn a routine disturbance call into a live demonstration of consequences.

Police had been called to the CVS on East-West Highway after reports of a man acting disorderly inside.

Then, because apparently the situation lacked sufficient poor decision-making, the man allegedly grabbed a bottle of hot sauce and drank the whole damn thing.

Not a taste.

Not a shot.

The bottle.

Officers reportedly watched the event unfold while silently reconsidering every career decision that had brought them to a CVS parking lot to supervise a grown man performing gastric self-immolation.

The Canton Cat, who has eaten chicken bones found beneath dumpsters and once drank rainwater from a hubcap, was disgusted.

“Brother, I’m literally feral.”

Authorities planned to take the man to a hospital for a mental evaluation, where doctors will presumably also determine whether his stomach can be classified as an active volcanic zone.

Medical professionals are reportedly preparing for several possible complications, including nausea, abdominal pain, and the patient’s eventual realization that everything you swallow must someday leave.

CVS immediately denied rumors that the bottle was part of its new “Extra Strength Consequences” product line.

Hyattsville officials reminded residents that hot sauce is intended to be applied to food, not consumed like Gatorade because you’ve decided police interaction isn’t already embarrassing enough.

Meanwhile, Maryland lawmakers are expected to respond in the traditional manner by proposing a Hot Sauce Safety Act, creating a state Hot Sauce Commission, imposing a 6% Capsaicin Responsibility Fee, and spending $4.7 million studying why people keep doing things clearly labeled by nature as terrible ideas.

At press time, the man’s digestive tract had issued an evacuation order.

His asshole has been advised to shelter in place.