CUMBERLAND, MD — Residents in Cumberland are reportedly complaining about feral cats, raccoons, groundhogs and other critters roaming parts of the city, raising an alarming question:

At what point do the animals start collecting taxes?

City officials insist everything is under control, which is exactly what governments say shortly before a raccoon becomes zoning commissioner.

According to local reports, residents have noticed growing numbers of stray animals wandering neighborhoods, digging through trash, crossing streets and generally acting like they own the place.

Which, to be fair, is how most of us cats understood Cumberland’s property laws already.

The situation has reportedly become so serious that the city’s unofficial opposition coalition now consists of:

• Feral cats — demanding universal tuna
• Raccoons — running sanitation without permits
• Groundhogs — controlling underground infrastructure
• Possums — handling constituent services by pretending to be dead
• One extremely confident squirrel — apparently running for mayor

Political analysts are calling the new movement the Cumberland Critter Caucus.

Their platform is simple:

More garbage. Fewer lids. No leash mandates.

A spokesperson for the feral-cat wing refused an interview, knocked over a trash can, stared directly at the reporter, and then left.

Pollsters immediately gave him a 14-point lead.

Meanwhile, local raccoons have reportedly rejected accusations that they are responsible for neighborhood trash problems.

“We prefer the term unlicensed waste-management professionals,” one raccoon allegedly said while wearing half a pizza box as a hat.

City Hall is now considering several responses, including education, animal-control efforts and the traditional municipal strategy of scheduling a meeting about scheduling another meeting.

The cats have countered with their own proposal:

Leave the cans open and nobody gets scratched.

Residents say they just want their neighborhoods back.

Unfortunately, Cumberland’s feral population has already filed adverse-possession paperwork.

As for this stray cat, I welcome our new municipal government.

At least when a raccoon digs through your garbage, he doesn’t call it a $4.7 million neighborhood revitalization initiative. 🐾