ANNAPOLIS — Gov. Wes Moore has proclaimed August Child Support Awareness Month, celebrating Maryland’s finely tuned ability to make sure parents pay money for their children.

Seeing the children, however, remains more of a suggestion.

Maryland’s system can automatically garnish wages, report arrears to credit bureaus, suspend licenses, and pursue contempt when support goes unpaid. But when court-ordered parenting time is denied, the other parent generally has to go back to court and ask a judge to please notice.

State officials described this as:

“Balance.”

Under the current system:

Miss a payment:
🚨 COMPUTER ACTIVATED

Miss a custody exchange:
🤷 “Have you considered filing something?”

One Annapolis bureaucrat reportedly explained the philosophy:

“Children need two things: financial support and meaningful relationships with both parents. We have successfully automated one of those.”

Maryland even has escalating timelines for unpaid support.

Thirty days. Sixty days. One hundred twenty days.

For denied parenting time, the official timeline remains:

Whenever your lawyer can get a hearing.

Gov. Moore’s proclamation praised child-support workers, which is perfectly fair. Collecting support matters.

But critics wondered whether Maryland might someday create a Parenting Time Awareness Month.

Officials rejected the proposal after learning it could require enforcing parenting time.

Instead, Annapolis unveiled a commemorative slogan:

“Every Child Deserves Support — Access Sold Separately.”

The Canton Cat attempted to ask a follow-up question but was informed we had to file a motion, pay a fee, wait four months, and prove the raccoon intentionally stole our tuna.

This is satire. Reporting from behind the dumpster, where even we understand that a court order should probably mean the whole court order.