IOWA CITY — Freddy, the world-famous German traveler who became an internet celebrity touring America during the World Cup, has finally experienced college football and reportedly discovered that Americans have been using the word “football” correctly all along.

After attending his first Iowa game, Freddy admitted he made several rookie mistakes — arriving too late to tailgate properly and staying roughly 50 minutes from campus.

The Canton Cat nearly coughed up a hairball.

Fifty minutes away?

Buddy, that isn’t attending an Iowa game.

That’s establishing a forward operating base.

Freddy said the experience was completely different from European sports culture, particularly the American tradition of beginning game day approximately nine hours before kickoff by grilling enough meat to feed Luxembourg.

In Germany, supporters take trains to the stadium.

In Iowa, someone named Dale wakes up at 5:17 a.m., unfolds a 14-foot grill from the back of a pickup truck, cracks a beer, and begins preparing pork products before sunrise because apparently the Hawkeyes need his help.

Freddy also discovered that college football is not merely a sporting event.

It is a full-day agricultural festival with helmets.

There are marching bands.

Cheerleaders.

Tailgates.

Fight songs.

70,000 people screaming at a 19-year-old because he dropped a ball.

And somehow everyone considers this completely normal.

Freddy previously traveled across America during the World Cup, learning why Americans enjoy soccer.

Now America has apparently returned the favor by showing him a sport where the score can be 42-17 without anyone claiming three goals constituted an offensive explosion.

The Canton Cat congratulates Freddy on completing Stage One of Americanization.

Stage Two is owning a smoker.

Stage Three is screaming “THAT’S HOLDING!” at a television despite having absolutely no idea whether it was holding.

At press time, Freddy was already excited for next week’s game.

Experts confirm he has been infected.

There is no known cure.