BOSTON — After weeks of wall-to-wall coverage of the Lindsay Clancy trial, Massachusetts officials are reportedly considering adding “postpartum psychosis” to every government form in the Commonwealth, just in case anyone needs it later.

The proposed DMV application would now ask:

NAME:
ADDRESS:
EYE COLOR:
ORGAN DONOR:
POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS: ☐ YES ☐ NO ☐ PLEASE ASK MY LAWYER

State officials said the change became necessary after the Clancy trial transformed a serious psychiatric condition into one of the most discussed legal phrases in America.

“I used to think the DMV was about proving you could parallel park,” said one Massachusetts resident.

“Now apparently I need a psychiatrist, a defense attorney, and three podcast subscriptions.”

The Canton Cat understands postpartum psychosis is real.

Very real.

Very serious.

And exactly the kind of thing that should probably be handled by doctors instead of 47 million Americans screaming at each other beneath a Court TV clip.

But that ship sailed sometime around Day Three.

By the end of the trial, everyone in America had become a board-certified specialist in maternal psychiatry after completing the rigorous educational program known as:

watching six TikToks.

Facebook moms were diagnosing strangers.

Reddit was conducting grand rounds.

True-crime podcasters had apparently completed medical school between ad reads for meal kits.

And random men named Kyle were confidently explaining the diagnostic criteria from the front seat of a Ford F-150.

Massachusetts officials reportedly became so impressed with the nation’s newfound psychiatric expertise that they are expanding the checkbox to other state forms.

Fishing license?

Postpartum psychosis?

Building permit?

Postpartum psychosis?

Dog registration?

Has your Labrador recently exhibited signs of postpartum psychosis?

The Registry of Motor Vehicles is also reportedly developing a new written-test question:

A woman experiencing a severe psychiatric emergency approaches an intersection. Who should determine her diagnosis?

A. A psychiatrist
B. A medical team
C. A jury after hearing expert testimony
D. Cheryl from Facebook who watched a documentary last night

Massachusetts officials say the correct answer is somehow now all of the above.

Legal analysts praised the move.

“For years, criminal trials were bogged down by boring concepts like evidence, intent, statutes, and burden of proof,” said one commentator.

“Now we can just yell psychiatric terminology at each other until CNN goes to commercial.”

The diagnosis has become so culturally dominant that Dunkin’ is reportedly testing a new menu item:

The Postpartum Psychosis Debate Refresher

It comes with cold foam, three conflicting expert opinions, and absolutely no chance anyone changes their mind.

At press time, the Canton Cat was spotted outside the Massachusetts DMV scratching one additional box onto the form:

ARE YOU QUALIFIED TO DIAGNOSE STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET?

☐ NO
☐ ALSO NO
☐ I HAVE A PODCAST